Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
