Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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