i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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