I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
