his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
