I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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