Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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