he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
