Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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