I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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