it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize