my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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