Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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