so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
