there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
