I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
