You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
