I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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