I'm gonna have a badass scar
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
