Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
