Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize