Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
