He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
