make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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