She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
