p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
