In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize