so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
