I accidentally burped into my bong.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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