I accidentally burped into my bong.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
