I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
