would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
