I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
