Umm I'm too high to move.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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