i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize