I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
