Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
