You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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