even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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