one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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