I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
