I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
