hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
