he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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