Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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