Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize