People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
and you fell through a lawn chair
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
