im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Randomize
