i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
