she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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