bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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