haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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