You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
