just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
