The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
