My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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