I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
