like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
