well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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