On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
