I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
