I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
