Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
