...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
