So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
