why didn't you poke me back
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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