dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
They took my balls.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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