My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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