lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
