Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
