Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The air was thick with penises
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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