when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im six kinds of drunk right now
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
