We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
