So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
