A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
