My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
