So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Shame is for Republicans.
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