Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
