did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
