i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
false alarm. still invincible.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize