Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
