I'm so fucking centered right now
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Sext me about skeletons
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
