so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
