just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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