dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
