My friends, they love my intelligence
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
