Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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