My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
