porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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