pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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