she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
