it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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