TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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