I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize