Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You can't just leave with hair like that
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
